It’s the final day of August (and in my opinion summer)! So here I am sitting in shorts and a tank top (because its still August), wrapped up in a blanket (because it’s basically almost fall), reflecting on this past month and all that is to come.
To be honest, my immediate response is EVERYTHING. I often am tempted to keep my Kindred Planner all aesthetically pleasing, but that’s not how I honestly live my life (there are many raspberry splashes all over it from the summer). So when it comes to pages and questions like this – it’s just a mess of writing and heart pouring out. And for this particular question, a long list of things on my mind and questions I have about all the things I wrote.
How do I… what if I…. I don’t know about… How is that going to be possible… Will this work… I doubt that… This feels too much… What if this happens instead of…. and so forth.
I saw myself easily spiraling from these questions into feeling sufficiently overwhelmed, anxious, and out of control. Which when that happens, my personality naturally moves to try and counter this by creating a lot of to-do lists, schedules, and plans to create a semi false sense of control.
But in the microsecond before my brain and heart went to the massive to-do lists and plans, I relooked at the question and at the heading of the page “check in – what’s on your heart and mind?”
It didn’t say anything after about “How are you managing those thoughts?” or “what’s the plan to put those things to ease?” or really, having any plan to tackle all the things. It was just a check-in. A check-in to know how I’m feeling and what burdens and loads I’m carrying with me as I go from summer to fall. Not meant to help me solve all the problems, but to help me understand how I might be entering the next season, where I might be feeling less than great, why I might be feeling a little less energetic and a little more like a deer in headlights.
Because while I for sure want to have all my questions and problems and anxieties resolved, this was not the point of writing everything out. Writing everything out helped me see what my baseline is for this fall and help me move forward accordingly. Since I’m feeling maybe a little more chaotic internally (and externally, it still feels like a lot is left for this house) going into the year, I know I can practice a little extra kindness, patience towards myself. I know that I’ll need a little more time to be still in the mornings before I start each day and week. I know I’ll need to fight even harder to have days off on the weekend and to really put work aside at the end of a night.
So really, while there is an overflowing bucket of things occupying my heart and mind, it certainly helped to write everything down. See each item for the weight it carries on my heart and the impact it has going into my fall. Writing it down, naming each one, and giving each space on the page helps me understand the space it’s taking up in my heart and mind. Knowing this means I can better prepare for the fall with greater grace, patience, kindness, and forgiveness. Knowing this means I can better prepare to fight a little harder for rest and boundaries when I know the temptation to control and fill more will be come. And I can know more accurately, where this temptation is coming from.
This is how I’m feeling about August and writing all my heart and mind thoughts and how I’m going into the fall. That, and also, I can’t wait for apple cider donuts.
How about you friend? What’s been occupying your heart and mind as you enter fall? How is it draining or energizing you?
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